IAFF: Schaitberger Joins The Stones*
Jagger says, “Welcome, Mate.”
It has been announced that former IAFF general president Harold Schaitberger is the newest edition to the famed rock band The Rolling Stones.
According to his manager, he will star in new releases of:
- You Can’t Always Get What You Want
- I Can’t Get No Satisfaction
- Sympathy for the Devil
and
- Under My Thumb
Asked how he would transition to his new role, he replied, “There’s really no difference, I’ve been an entertainer for over twenty years. You just say pretty things and they eat it up.”
Schaitberger went on to express relief that he would no longer have to hide his obscenely expensive lifestyle saying, “Hey, now I’m an actual rock star and spending like a drunken sailor is expected. I’m so fortunate.”
One gloomy reporter asked if he would be reducing his IAFF pension, especially the staff portion he scammed as president.
“Absolutely”, Schaitberger replied, winking, noting that IAFF secretary treasurer and former board member Frank Lima would be getting front row concert seats and backstage passes for green-lighting the decades-long pilfering.
Schaitberger is reportedly in talks to perform at the upcoming IAFF convention pending board approval.
That should be easy as he continues to enjoy broad board support evidenced by their decision to bury the results of a $1.2M report on corruption during his tenure.
He will reportedly dedicate at least one song to all IAFF members:
Everybody Plays the Fool
- satire
